Have you ever met someone that you hated before even hearing them speak? Or maybe you thought someone would be awesome until you started talking to them, quickly realizing you couldn’t stand to be in the same room. I know I’ve met dozens of people like this, and luckily, the remedy is rather simple – you leave the room and say goodbye.
Online though, there are not only thousands of people like this, but they’re much more difficult to get rid of because they can follow you from almost anywhere, and because there are so many of them, it makes having just one single day of peace almost an impossibility.
I don’t really have a solution that doesn’t require violence, but because I wanted to get this off my chest, I’ve decided to write a tribute to these people. So here are the 7 different types of blogger I wish would, for the love of god, shut the fuck up!
Look, just because I visit your blog and leave a comment does not mean that I’m in your tribe. To be honest, I find it insulting people even use the term in reference to their audience. Until the day I strap on a loincloth and we run around hunting zebra in your backyard with homemade spears, stop calling me your tribe.
Can we stop tasting the rainbow and get down to Earth? We all know the type – they’re living in la-la land, blogging about sunshine and smiles and butterflies, driving us nuts with their steadfast desire to remain cheerful 100% of the time. I’m not going to buy your shit, no matter how happy you are, so stop.
Yes, people still do this, and every time I get an auto-DM I want to reach through the Twitterverse and smack the hell out of them. Why would you do it, especially to promote some bullshit product that you know I won’t buy. What makes this worse is often times, these DM’s come from people that I thought were cool! There’s no quicker way to blow social media street cred than doing this.
Good for you… you had so little work to do that you run around trying to be the first commenter on every blog you find. Get a life!
5. The “Always On Sale” Guy
It seems that for many, the only way they can move product is by talking louder, and louder, and louder. But it doesn’t stop there. Have you ever watched the blogger that has a crazy stupid sale every single week? Birthday sale, anniversary sale, pre-order sale, my grandpa died sale… you name it, they try to exploit it for money.
6. The Life Coach
To me, there’s nothing more useless than a life coach. Though it’s a great racket, it’s also a great way to trick people into feeling like they are making progress when really they’re just stalling from doing the real work that needs to be done. You don’t need a life coach, you need to stop being a wimp.
7. The Social Media Guru
This is probably the biggest offender. What do you do when you’re out of product and marketing ideas but need to swindle cash from someone? You become a social media coach, because there’s nothing that says expert like having been on Twitter for one year longer than everyone else.
Some days I pray for social media to disappear so that the SM “experts” will disappear with it.
I’m sorry… not that I offended you, but that you’re annoying. Bold stance, I know, but who else is going to say it?